#Understanding Communication in Relationships
This article focuses on couple relationships as the specific which is basically about lovers or married people.
Below are my findings I believe will help anyone in relationship or couples understand the communication style of men and women in order to avoid conflict or misunderstanding.
Communication Dichotomy
Men typically talk about work, sports, or problem-solving topics, while women tend to focus more on emotions and developing connections with others through talking.
Women and men also differ in how they talk to a friend.
Men usually try to “one up” the other on an activity.
Women, on the other hand, want to have the same thing or feeling as their friend.
According to research, over 90 percent of our communication is non-verbal, this
includes our body language, facial expressions, the tone of our voice, and rate of our speech.
Effect of Non-verbal Communication
1.
Provides information about the speaker’s mood.
2.
Regulates the interaction.
3.
Defines the relationship.
Therefore, our body language, facial expression, or the tone of our conversation says more than the actual words.
More importantly, while there are gender differences in communication, the differences have more to do with gender roles than gender.
For example:
Women in powerful positions may not be as concerned with nonverbal cues. Some men are more sensitive than others and will pay more attention to nonverbal cues.
One problem with being too focused on nonverbal communication is jumping to conclusions.
For example:
If a young lady sees her elder brother with a frown on his face, she may think that she is in trouble before he has a chance to speak. Whereas, he may have been thinking about something else.
Conversation Patterns
There are also gender differences in what we say.
Women talk more about their feelings and concerns while men stick to more impersonal topics.
Women speak more hesitantly. Men are more likely to be direct.
Women often end with question to gain approval. For example: “It's cold today, isn’t it?” For men it is direct such as “It’s cold today.”
In general, women share more with friends than do men. They also spend more time in conversations focusing on the relationship. Men share more with their spouses or partners rather than with other men.(except for conflict, only the circle of drunk as men leave their spouses) Women tend to be more expressive in their talk. Men are more matter of fact and want to make a statement to get something done.
Causes of Breakdown in Communication
Men want to take action while women seek to make sure the other person’s feelings and thoughts have been expressed before taking action.
When a woman asks a question, she is often trying to connect with her spouse or partner. For example, “What do you want to do about dinner tonight,” means more than, “What is for dinner.” She may be trying to see if he wants to eat out.
Men on the other hand would be more likely to say, “Let’s go to a movie tonight,” being more direct in what they want. A woman hearing this statement may feel that she hasn’t been consulted about the couple’s plans for the evening.
Men need to remember and understand that women often want to connect with the other person when talking and women need to recognize and understand that men may be more direct. When there exist this basic understanding of the difference between men and women communication style, it is easier to avoid conflict or misunderstanding.
How to Assess Your Own Non-Verbal Communication
Answer the following questions:
When I am talking to others I:
√Look directly at the person to show interest.
√Avoid crossing my arms across my chest so that I communicate a willingness to listen.
√Stand or sit at the same level with the person. √Smile or nod my head to show interest.
√Try to look relaxed so the other person will relax. √Use a friendly tone of voice.
Mark yourself 'Yes or No or I need to work on this' for each statement.
For every “no” answer you gave, work out how you might change your nonverbal communication to be more positive. Mark those behaviors you would like to work on changing. Revisit your list in three months to assess whether or not you have made changes.
David, Johnson
NB
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