RELATIONSHIPS JUST GOT BETTER

#Understanding Communication in Relationships

This article focuses on couple relationships as the specific which is basically about lovers or married people.

Below are my findings I believe will help anyone in relationship or couples understand the communication style of men and women in order to avoid conflict or misunderstanding.

Communication Dichotomy

Men  typically  talk about  work,  sports,  or  problem-solving  topics,  while women  tend  to  focus  more  on  emotions  and  developing connections  with  others  through  talking.

Women and men also  differ  in  how  they  talk  to  a friend.

Men  usually  try  to  “one up”  the  other  on  an  activity.
Women,  on  the  other  hand,  want  to  have  the  same  thing or  feeling  as  their  friend.

According to research, over  90  percent  of  our  communication  is  non-verbal, this
includes  our  body  language,  facial expressions,  the  tone  of  our  voice,  and  rate  of  our  speech.

Effect of Non-verbal Communication
1. Provides  information  about  the  speaker’s  mood.
2. Regulates  the  interaction.
3. Defines  the  relationship.

Therefore, our  body  language,  facial  expression, or  the  tone of  our  conversation  says  more  than  the  actual  words.

More importantly, while  there  are  gender  differences  in  communication, the  differences  have  more  to  do  with  gender  roles  than gender.

For example:
Women  in  powerful  positions  may  not  be  as concerned  with  nonverbal  cues.    Some  men  are  more sensitive  than  others  and  will  pay  more  attention  to nonverbal  cues.

One  problem  with  being  too  focused  on  nonverbal communication  is  jumping  to  conclusions.

For example:
If  a  young  lady  sees  her  elder brother  with  a  frown  on  his  face,  she may  think  that  she  is  in  trouble  before  he  has  a  chance  to speak. Whereas, he  may  have  been  thinking  about  something  else.

Conversation Patterns

There  are  also  gender  differences  in  what  we  say.

Women talk  more  about  their  feelings  and  concerns  while  men stick  to  more  impersonal  topics.

Women  speak  more hesitantly.  Men  are  more  likely to  be  direct.

Women often  end  with  question  to  gain  approval. For  example:  “It's  cold today,  isn’t  it?”   For men it is direct such as  “It’s  cold  today.”

In  general,  women  share  more  with  friends  than do  men.  They also  spend  more  time  in  conversations focusing  on  the  relationship.  Men  share  more  with their  spouses  or  partners  rather  than  with  other  men.(except for conflict, only the circle of drunk as men leave their spouses) Women tend  to  be  more  expressive  in  their  talk.  Men are  more  matter  of  fact  and  want  to  make  a  statement to  get  something  done.

Causes of Breakdown in Communication

Men  want to  take  action  while  women  seek  to  make  sure  the  other person’s  feelings  and  thoughts  have  been  expressed  before taking  action.

When  a  woman  asks  a  question,  she is  often  trying  to  connect  with  her  spouse  or  partner. For  example,  “What  do  you  want  to  do  about  dinner tonight,”  means  more  than,  “What  is  for  dinner.”  She may  be  trying  to  see  if  he  wants  to  eat  out.

Men on the  other  hand  would  be  more  likely  to  say, “Let’s  go  to  a  movie  tonight,”  being  more  direct  in  what they  want.  A  woman  hearing  this  statement  may  feel  that she  hasn’t  been  consulted  about  the  couple’s  plans  for  the evening.

Men  need  to remember and understand that  women  often  want  to  connect  with  the other  person  when  talking  and  women  need  to  recognize and understand that  men  may  be  more  direct. When there exist this basic understanding of the difference between men and women communication style, it is easier to avoid conflict or misunderstanding.


How to Assess Your Own Non-Verbal Communication

Answer the following questions:

When  I  am  talking  to  others  I:

√Look  directly  at  the  person  to  show  interest.
√Avoid  crossing  my  arms  across  my  chest  so  that  I  communicate  a  willingness  to  listen.
√Stand  or  sit  at  the  same  level  with  the  person. √Smile  or  nod  my  head  to  show  interest.
√Try  to  look  relaxed  so  the  other  person  will  relax. √Use  a  friendly  tone  of  voice.

Mark yourself 'Yes or No or  I need to work  on  this' for each statement.

For  every  “no”  answer  you  gave,  work out how  you  might  change  your  nonverbal  communication  to  be  more  positive. Mark those  behaviors  you  would  like  to  work  on  changing.  Revisit  your  list  in  three  months  to  assess  whether  or  not you  have  made  changes.

David, Johnson

NB
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