How To Use Words To Deepen Intimacy In Relationships

RELATIONSHIPS JUST GOT BETTER

How To Use Words To Deepen Intimacy In Relationships

By David, Johnson

In my article "Understanding Communication in Relationships", I emphasised how important it is for us to understand how men and women differ in the way they communicate.

In order to improve our communication skills, we must deliberately learn new vocabularies and use words to build intimacy and positive emotions in our relationships.

Consider this Love conversation below:

"(Beloved-Lady) I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys, (Lover-Man) Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. (Beloved) Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men."
(excerpt from Song of Songs 2:1-3-The Holy Bible{NIV})

Understanding the impact of words on the brain can help us to become better managers, parents, negotiators, lovers, friends—almost any other role in which we as human beings may find ourselves.

Our choice of words has a direct and immediate effect on our emotional response and makes our brains inclined to respond in specific ways. This is true whether we are reacting to spoken words delivered by someone else, or to the inner self-talk that we hear ourselves “saying” inside our heads.

According to Dr. Scott of University College London, "The brain takes speech and separates it into words and ‘melody’ – the varying intonation in speech that reveals mood, gender and so on. Words are then shunted over to the left temporal lobe for processing while the melody is channeled to the right side of the brain, a region more stimulated by music.”

FBI Behavioral Analyst, Dr. Jack Schafer sheds light on the subject by explaining that, “Certain words reflect the behavioral characteristics of the person who spoke or wrote them. I labeled these words, Word Clues. Word Clues increase the probability of predicting the behavioral characteristics of people by analyzing the words they choose when they speak or write.”

Therefore, how you use your words and what you say really does speak volumes about the content of your character. So it is wise to mind your thoughts and even more so your words.

Choosing and using your words

To the Ladies: Say good things you see and feel about yourself in front of your partner.

To the men: Affirm the good things she says about herself with words of admiration. Don't ignore her. She needs you to say it to her over and over again. Learn from the wise man's love conversation. (see it above) You must be familiar with the theory that says "Ladies are moved by words and men are moved by what they see." It is true but men are also moved by words. This is a secret every Lady must know. Respectful use of words lifts men's ego. Your words and actions show you are disrespectful or respectful to a man.

To the ladies and men: Develop your vocabularies. Upgrade your vocabularies in use of words on Love, romance, friendship, chat up and cheer ups. Ladies, whatever you won't say to your male boss in the office don't say it to your partner. Men, whatever you won't say to your female boss in the office don't say it to your partner. Your partner should be more important to you than your boss, so don't ruin his/her self esteem with your words(mouth). Some partners drop love, romantic and friendship vocabularies after the wedding day. This shouldn't be so. Keep it fresh.

To the ladies: When your partner showers encomium on you, go beyond saying "Thank you", add more to it to make it romantic.  Dramatize your word. For example, "Aww you are so sweet, thanks a million my Angel" Use whatever suites you that communicates better.
Say how you feel from the heart to spur him too with love or romantic words. Reply in a romantic way and not just thank you. Return love, romantic, friendship, cheer up words with same. Then you will smell fragrance of freshness always when you converse. Its time to change your language. You can still send love or romantic message to your wife/fiancée while at work as if you just met and want to woo her all over again. Ladies, do same like the men and let love flow afresh in your relationship/marriage.

The wise man's Love Conversation:
Lover(man)- How beautiful you are my darling! Beloved(lady)- How handsome you are my lover!
Lover - Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. Beloved- Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.
(Excerpt from Song of Songs 1:15-16-The Holy Bible{NIV})

The lady in this conversation doesn't just say thank you and blushes. She responds.

On the whole, my candid advice to all and sundry is to learn new love and romantic vocabularies, use the right words for your partner to spice up your relationships! Intimacy can be deepened when quality words are used with corresponding actions on a regular basis and on a deliberate attempt.